stories and other things
#vss365 prompt: lost
The city looked different at night. He stood on the corner and cast about for a familiar sight, a landmark, anything that would point him to safety. Being lost during the day was one thing. But now, a safe haven was no casual matter. He needed to find his way, before something else found it first.
#vss365 prompt: mistake
This was a mistake. It had been a mistake from the very first, but it was too late now. There was no going back. She had gone too far already. The scent of burning beeswax and dried blood assailed her nostrils as she crept along the corridor, the stake clutched in her hand. Coming in, that stake had been her lifeline, the one thing that was going to protect her and help her succeed. When her goal finally came in sight, however, she let the wood fall. Nothing about a piece of sharpened pine was going to save her from this.
Photo by Remy Gieling on Unsplash
Listen.
Fuck outlining.
I know it works for some people. For a lot of people. And that’s cool.
I’ve read the books that tell me I cannot possibly have a career as a successful indie without outlining my novels so that I can bang them out in rapid succession. Because, you know, it’s obviously impossible to do that as a pantser.
But listen.
An outline, a traditional outline with all the plot points and turning points and point-by-points. Girl. They don’t work for me.
I can certainly create an outline. One that totally works and lines up all the motivations and cause and effect and rising and falling action and SOUNDS like a really great story. And then I’ll never write it.
I have to actually roll up my sleeves and get in there and feel the story. That’s how I find out what my characters fear the most, who they’re fighting and what they want to hide, how to hurt them the most and how to make their dreams come true.
Ok, so I don’t go in completely blind. But I don’t need much. A strong voice from at least one of the main characters. A notion of what the biggest plot point will be — the back cover blurb version of the plot. I know who I’m working with, what they’re up against in the big picture, and the sort of wide arc of the story.
That’s the only way I’ve ever come close to finishing a full draft — during NaNo, for example. When it’s too fleshed out, I can’t follow it. And if the goal is to, you know, write a whole book, finish a draft so that you can publish it and start over again, surely the “right” way to do it is whatever way works for you.
So that’s what I’m going with.
I’m giving myself permission to fuck off with outlines and just write in whatever way works for me. And the permissions to now actually KNOW exactly what that way is, to figure it all out as I go along, and wait until I finish and publish my first novel to really say for sure which way has worked for me.
This outline is eating my soul.
I really thought that it would be super easy to write my first real outline using all the amazing templates from amazing people that I found online. Instead of, you know, a soul-sucking experience that makes me want to eat all the Girl Scout cookies that are currently sitting in my house.
This is the first time I’ve committed to making this into a real novel, and putting in the work to make it viable and start out with strong plans from the beginning. And it’s fucking hard, ya’ll.
I have half-scrapped and started over this outline a solid three times, maybe three and a half, in this last week. I keep getting parts of it that I like, but parts that I can tell are not working because they’re just not exciting me. I switched to writing by hand to get the muse flowing better, and now this afternoon I went back to typing, to try to organize all the tragic scribbles that my notebook had become.
And I think I’m making progress. I have a better sense of who each of these characters are. What they want. What they have to overcome. What drives them. And I’m focusing on working with action-reaction. What happens, and then what does that cause to happen based on the flaws and motivations of these characters, and then how do the characters react to that, and based on THAT reaction, THEN what happens…
It’s slow going.
I really wanted to be drafting by now.
But I’m reminding myself that this is part of the process. That this is my first time, and I’m learning all this as I go. And rushing it is pointless. Just have to keep showing up every day and doing the work, cause it’s the only way to learn it better and get faster as I go.
I have been trying to outline A NOVEL since Jan 1, 2020. I have the scraps of like 5 scenes in a different novel than I started with a month later.
It’s all a process, dude. But I’m sticking with it. I’m not going to give up again just because I’m not expert status right away. I’m going to lean into this and enjoy the process of learning how to do it and learning what my process is. I’m gonna go ahead and embrace that shit, because the other way hasn’t worked so far, so…
Up earlier this morning — at my laptop with coffee in hand by 5:35am, and that was delayed an extra minute by forgetting my notebooks in the other room.
Yesterday had a morning full of self-doubt and “this will all take way too long why even bother” feelings, in which I sat on the couch and scrolled social media and moped and hated things. Eventually I managed to kick myself in the pants and call out the moment for what it was. I stopped scrolling first, as I’ve learned about myself that often this is only making things worse. And I reminded myself of all the other logical things I’ve said to myself in the face of this feeling before, and that it would pass, and that the best thing to do was anything else — read a book, get up and move around, etc.
I’ve been struggling with finishing an outline for my first novel that I like, and originally I’d wanted to have it finished by end of January. Not hitting that goal was making me antsy, like I’m off schedule, like I’m off schedule and therefore never going to have the chops to make it as a published indie author because I can’t do this fast enough to make money off it…
Sigh. Chill. Relax. There is no race, or timetable. The timing of your life is perfect by default. Things take the time that they take.
As a family we went down to the harbor in the afternoon, where there is a place to fish next to a grassy field. Hubs set up his poles, the kids ran around like squirrels, and I brought a beach chair and a blanket and my laptop and notebook, and sipped a coffee and felt restored with the world and the muse.
(See pictures down below, or on my Insta, @kate.duttera.)
I switched to outlining by hand and felt myself getting back on track with it again. So, now that the coffee has taken hold, I’m off to do that again for this morning’s session.
It is now 5:45, and I have until 7am — or one of the kids wakes up early — to devote to quiet time, coffee, and my writing. I would like to knock out several more scenes in the outline, but just being up early and making the extra space for it today makes me feel like a winner.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B8FPYtXAlvVD6AaPVqr0ZMJUlBky_E9cvA8jfs0/
Oh the days when it was just me and the cat. I wish I’d had the motivation then to make my author career a thing. I could have accomplished so much more.
Writing time is at a premium when you have a family. Kids have this annoying way of being able to stay up until 1am and still waking up like everything is normal at 7am. It seriously cuts into my alone time.
And even though they would easily spend a full day playing video games and watching tv if we let them, especially now that it’s summer, round about noon my conscience starts to get to me that I’m letting their brains rot for my own purposes and we have to get outside.
To top it off, my oldest can read now, so writing sexy vampire smut scenes now has to happen in secret, like I’m at my day job and the boss keeps coming up to peek over my shoulder. Have a new tab open, my friends. Get ready to toggle quickly.
Even though I long for the freedom to spend a whole bloody Saturday challenging myself to write 10K or some other delightful goal, the fact that I can’t is actually probably a good thing. It means I’m motivated to steal every minute that I can — furiously scribbling on a legal pad during my lunch break at work, breaking out my laptop during the short and glorious minutes that the children are entertaining themselves without yet having resorted to violence, getting up out of bed for half an hour before the rest of the house on the weekends, even though sleep is lovely, to at least try to get a few sentences on the page.
Is it slow going? Yes. But every time I make the choice to spend time with my novel, to devote time to pursuing this goal, I gain momentum, I remind myself that this is a thing that’s important to me and worthy of my time. And even one new sentence is one I didn’t have before.
So even though I can watch authors on Authortube and start to feel the teensiest bit jealous of those who seem to have all the free time I want, I also know that jealousy is nonsense and we’re all just working with what we’ve got. It might take me a little longer to get my books written, but they’ll get there.
One freakin’ word after the other.
As writers, we are good at creating stories. Our brains tend to do it automatically. It’s what makes us good at what we do.
But it’s not very helpful when it comes to stressful situations in real life.
So remember — you’re a writer. You make up stories.
Not everything you think is true.
Just because your brain comes up with it doesn’t make it the truth.
Sometimes it’s just a story.
Otherwise there would be a much bigger problem with vampires around here.
We’re already a few days into the month, but here is what I’m planning on reading this month. I don’t usually strictly plan out my reading — I usually let the book choose me. I’m a mood reader.
However, in an effort to bump up my overall reading, I thought I’d try out a rough reading plan for the month, to keep me on track.
May Reading Plan
Whare are you reading this month? Do you choose your reads, or let the books choose you?
Happy reading!
The other day my dad said something that really got me thinking. It was something like, “pretty much every vampire story has already been done, you’re going to have to be really creative if you want to write vampire books.”
Which is true. Every story has already been written.
But, not by me.
There are no original plots. EVERYTHING has been done.
That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t still write mine.
It’s advice I think most of us have probably heard at some point, but it bears repeating:
Write your story anyway. There are hundreds of other vampire stories, or faery stories, or werewolves, or romances, or epic fantasy quest novels. But none of those is your story, written in your voice, with your unique perspective and values.
Write your story.
Always just write your story.
Don’t let all the great stories that are already out there scare you away — let them inspire you! Look at how much great stuff people are making! I’m going to go make great stuff too!
So let my unexpected truth bomb be your truth bomb, too. Go forth and make things!
**thanks, Dad!
Instead of getting overwhelmed by the bigness of the thing you want to do, just take the next small step.
Creative folk, those of us with big dreams and big plans for ourselves, its easy to get so excited by your idea that you want to rush out and change the whole world right now. And then instantly get discouraged and overwhelmed by how big that is, how far it is from where you currently are, that your momentum flags and dies. At least, if you’re me that’s what happens.
So instead of thinking about “I want to run my own creative business,” think about sending one email or crafting one blog post or art piece. Instead of thinking, “I want to be a self-published author,” think, “I’m going to write the next 500 words of this novel.”
Start small. One little thing after another little thing. Until one day you’re where you dreamed of being and you don’t even remember getting there.
ScarletQuill 